50 Signs You Might Be an A*Hole Customer

4.83 Stars | 6 ratings

You never say "please" or "thank you."

4.00 Stars | 6 ratings

Even worse, you leave religious tracts instead of a tip.

8 reviews

3.88 Stars | 8 ratings

After you’ve eaten all of your food you decide you don’t like it and demand a full refund.

4.75 Stars | 4 ratings

You bring your own appetizers. (Swear that happened to me once.)

4.75 Stars | 4 ratings

You praise the waiter to high heaven but leave him 7%. (The Dreaded Verbal Tip!)

4.50 Stars | 4 ratings

You ask if we’ll open on Christmas just for you.

4 reviews

4.00 Stars | 5 ratings

You have sex in the restroom and don’t clean up after yourselves.

4.00 Stars | 5 ratings

You tell the waiter you’re allergic to something when you’re not.

6 reviews

3.43 Stars | 7 ratings

You tell the waiter you’re "in the business."

4.25 Stars | 4 ratings

You just walk in and sit down, ignoring the hostess.

4.00 Stars | 4 ratings

You tell the waiter "you’ll take care of him" and then leave him less than 15%.

4.00 Stars | 3 ratings

You ask the waiter "How old do I look?"

6 reviews

3.50 Stars | 6 ratings

You get so drunk you vomit all over the table.

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

You drunkenly ask the waiter if the Bangladeshi busboy is a terrorist.

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

You’re a foreigner who knows the customary tip in the US is 15% but feign ignorance so you can save a few bucks.

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

You ask the waiter for ice, sugar, and lemon and make your own lemonade. (I’ve seen people make their own ice tea too!)

4.00 Stars | 2 ratings

You have a $50 dollar gift certificate and a hundred dollar check. The waiter deducts the gift certificate from your total and you only tip the waiter on the remaining $50.

4.00 Stars | 2 ratings

You make five reservations at five restaurants, pick one, and don’t bother to tell the others you’re canceling.

4.00 Stars | 3 ratings

You want to haggle over the prices.

4.00 Stars | 2 ratings

You ask for sushi at an Italian restaurant.

3.50 Stars | 4 ratings

You ask the waiter to fetch you a prostitute.

3.50 Stars | 4 ratings

You get sat five minutes before closing and say "We don’t want to be rushed."

3.50 Stars | 4 ratings

You don’t tip the coat check girl.

3.33 Stars | 6 ratings

You ask the waiter his or her name only so you can shout it when your martini’s running low.

3.25 Stars | 4 ratings

You leave a penny on the table. Go f* yourself. It’s been done.

3.25 Stars | 4 ratings

The check’s $100.01 and you split the check between two credit cards. You get the credit card slip for $50.01 and your friend gets the one for $50. He leaves a $7.50 tip and you leave one for $7.49.

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

You get mad that there’s a split charge and refuse to pay it.

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

You grab the waiter by the elbow when he or she walks by to get their attention.

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

You’re late for your reservation and don’t bother to call.

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

You’ve paid the check, you have your coats on, but you still won’t leave.

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

You arrive on time but your friends are an hour late. You insist on being sat in the dining room but refuse to order anything more complicated than water with lemon and five baskets of bread.

3.50 Stars | 4 ratings

You bring your own teabags.

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

You lost your cell phone but insist the bus boys stole it.

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

You say "Do you know who I work for?"

3.33 Stars | 3 ratings

You ask for separate checks after you’ve finished your meal.

3.00 Stars | 5 ratings

You ask for the "big glasses" when drinking house wine by the glass.

3.00 Stars | 4 ratings

You’re so drunk you walk out with both credit card slips.

3.00 Stars | 3 ratings

You ask "What are the specials?" before your ass hits the chair.

3.00 Stars | 2 ratings

You make the waiter recite the specials five times.

3.00 Stars | 3 ratings

You take twenty minutes to complete the wine tasting ritual.

2.67 Stars | 3 ratings

You ask for unreasonable substitutions. (Can I have au gratin potatoes instead of pasta?)

2.50 Stars | 2 ratings

You bring your cup of Starbucks coffee into the restaurant.

2.50 Stars | 2 ratings

You demand the best table on Saturday night even though you don’t have a reservation.

2.50 Stars | 2 ratings

You request a list of the CD’s we’re playing on the house stereo.