Funny Quotes from Politicians

Every so often, politicians show their humorous side and say funny things on purpose. These are a few of the funniest I've heard over the last few years. More info on each quote is in the item description. Rank them by what you think is funniest.

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Science & Nature > Quotations

List added by James76255 on 8/15/2005

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20 List Items

"I'd like to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave...with all five fingers..."

1 review

5.00 Stars | 4 ratings

"I'm trying to think of something to say that will sound profound, but not answer your question."

2 reviews

4.50 Stars | 4 ratings

"Look what I've done for the book publishing industry. You've heard some of the titles. 'Big Lies,' 'The Lies of George W. Bush,'... I'd like to tell you I've read each of these books, but that'd be a lie."

2 reviews

4.67 Stars | 3 ratings

"Now, I want you to pay careful attention to this -- he's the PhD, and I'm the C student, but notice who is the advisor and who is the President."

1 review

4.50 Stars | 2 ratings

"I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience."

1 review

4.33 Stars | 3 ratings

"I prefer to focus on the future because I know from my own experience that America is a land of opportunity, where every little boy and girl has a chance to grow up and win the popular vote."

1 review

4.00 Stars | 3 ratings

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

2 reviews

3.75 Stars | 4 ratings

"Did the training wheels fall off?"

1 review

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

"I wanted to say to Governor Dean, don't be hard on yourself about hooting and hollering. If I had spent the money you did and got 18 percent, I'd still be in Iowa hooting and hollering."

1 review

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

"Through six-party talks we convince him to hold a presidential election -- and then we send Bob Shrum over to help him."

1 review

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

"What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?"

1 review

4.00 Stars | 1 ratings

"I guess the President and you and I are three examples of lucky people who married up. And some would say maybe me more so than others."

2 reviews

3.50 Stars | 2 ratings

"I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?"

2 reviews

3.33 Stars | 3 ratings

"The only politician in America I know with a mandate is Jim McGreevey."

2 reviews

3.00 Stars | 3 ratings

"If Barbara gets her hands on John Kerry, he might get another Purple Heart."

1 review

2.00 Stars | 2 ratings

"It's been a little tough to prepare for the debates, because he keeps changing his positions, especially on the war. I think he could spend 90 minutes debating himself."

no reviews

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

"People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal, and his great hair. I say to them, 'How do you think I got the job?'"

no reviews

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

"The big hang-up was George Bush wanted to get life lines, you know, so he could call somebody."

no reviews

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

"The candidates are interesting, with diverse opinions. For tax cuts and against them, for NAFTA and against it, for the Patriot Act and against it, for liberating Iraq and against it. That's just one senator from Massachusetts."

no reviews

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

"We have to fix it or Rumsfeld may never retire."

no reviews

0.00 Stars | 0 ratings

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Funny Quotes from Politicians

"I'd like to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave...with all five fingers..."

"I'm trying to think of something to say that will sound profound, but not answer your question."

"Look what I've done for the book publishing industry. You've heard some of the titles. 'Big Lies,' 'The Lies of George W. Bush,'... I'd like to tell you I've read each of these books, but that'd be a lie."

"Now, I want you to pay careful attention to this -- he's the PhD, and I'm the C student, but notice who is the advisor and who is the President."

"I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience."

"I prefer to focus on the future because I know from my own experience that America is a land of opportunity, where every little boy and girl has a chance to grow up and win the popular vote."

"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'"

"Did the training wheels fall off?"

"I wanted to say to Governor Dean, don't be hard on yourself about hooting and hollering. If I had spent the money you did and got 18 percent, I'd still be in Iowa hooting and hollering."

"Through six-party talks we convince him to hold a presidential election -- and then we send Bob Shrum over to help him."

"What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?"

"I guess the President and you and I are three examples of lucky people who married up. And some would say maybe me more so than others."

"I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?"

"The only politician in America I know with a mandate is Jim McGreevey."

"If Barbara gets her hands on John Kerry, he might get another Purple Heart."

"It's been a little tough to prepare for the debates, because he keeps changing his positions, especially on the war. I think he could spend 90 minutes debating himself."

"People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal, and his great hair. I say to them, 'How do you think I got the job?'"

"The big hang-up was George Bush wanted to get life lines, you know, so he could call somebody."

"The candidates are interesting, with diverse opinions. For tax cuts and against them, for NAFTA and against it, for the Patriot Act and against it, for liberating Iraq and against it. That's just one senator from Massachusetts."

"We have to fix it or Rumsfeld may never retire."

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