Infidelity/Adultery

I should have run off and become a "dot on the horizon" the first time I caught my ex-wife. Instead I stuck around, made the changes in my life that "drove her away" and got blindsided by her again. I could have saved myself about 10 years of my life and been a lot happier.

Pretty strong reason to ditch. No point in sticking around with someone who doesn't respect you, and if he/she is cheating, they don't respect you. And if he/she has a history of cheating before hooking up with you, you're probably delusional if you think you can "change" him/her. And it's not just emotional damage: it could be physical, with STDs being evidently so rampant out there.

I lived with this problem in my first marriage for too long. I would never put up with it again. My marriage would be over. Trust, honesty and loyalty are a must. I learned too many hard lessons the first time. Its unfair to your spouse and it causes so much pain and heartache that even though you may forgive you never forget.

I would find it hard to trust them again,and if there is no trust there is nothing. I have seen couples who have recovered from this and it honestly was the first time they cheated but for me personally I would have a hard time trusting them.

Infidelity is a great reason to get divorced. It can also give people STDs. A man once cheated on his wife and the woman wrote him a message on the bathroom mirror with lipstick. The message said "Welcome to the wonderful world of aids". If you're considering cheating on your spouse, please think twice.

Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, and infidelity/adultery is the ultimate killer to trust between the couple.

Well my wife's a multiple cheat and I no longer wish to be with someone who even had to lie to cover their tracks.

I don't know for a fact I was cheated on..but then again usually your gut instincts are right about these things. after the issue came up regardless,everything in the relationship changed and we called it quits,but I do think people can change, but personally I know I could never trust anyone again after an infidelity had occured

Ok...I'm a therapist and my studies have given me perhaps a different view on infidelity than some people. Cheating is not always a sexual issue, but more of an acting out of unhappiness in a relationship. Although it is a deceitful and extremely hurtful experience, there are many people who are able to realize that something in their lives or in their relationships needs to change once they have found out adultery has occurred. In many cases infidelity will lead to divorce, although it may also be a point in a relationship when people are able to look at their relationship more closely, and make the necessary changes to improve that relationship. Either way...it is an extremely hurtful experience that can be avoided by better communication in relationships.

If you think that you are the only one that has a cheating husband, you definitely are not alone. Visit www.shouldidivorcehim.com and see what other women have gone through.

While a valid reason, this is often a symptom of a much deeper underlying cause.

Why stay married to a loser with mental problems

If they do it once it is likely down the road that they will do it again. Yep, that would be enough for me to bail out!!

Pretty big sign that something's gone south. Almost invariably a strong indication that it's time to get out of Dodge.

I need some advice. I cheated on my husband 2 times 3 1/2 years ago with 2 different men and i told him about it and we moved on and he forgave me. then he wanted to have another baby with me so i was like yeah he does still love me ya know. But now he after over three years he throws it in my face now and says nobody will ever want me cuz of it. But we have two kids so i dont know if thats the real reason hes with me cuz i dont want to be with someone that is only with me for the kids. Also there is alot of mental and verbal abuse going on. I dont know what to do does anyone have any ideas?

Others may have the one time rule of forgiveness, but finding out my husband cheated on me would be the quickest way for him to find himself without a wife to come home to. I won't stand for it.

Yes! Send them to the curb and make sure the door hits them in the ass on the way out.

Yes, it is a good reason to get divorced, but many times people(women especially) are too forgiving for their own good.I guess it depends on individual.

This is probably THE number one cause of all marital breakups in America. When a person gets married, they need to make ABSOLUTELY sure that this is THE PERSON that they want to spend the rest of their life with. Do not go into it thinking........"She/he is ok for now until something hotter shows up". If you are still stuck in that mindset, then continue to date as many men/women as you want casually, just do not dupe some poor soul into thinking that they have married Mr/Miss right, and then shatter their world (and God forbid the lives of any young children), by abandoning them because a woman named "Hottie4U" IMd you and thinks that you are equally as "hot". In other words, make sure that you are grown up enough to take on grown up responsiblities.

I think cheating comes in stages...like murder. Yes, everytime someone is killed in murder but there are diffrent degrees. 1st degree infidelity is an a-1 cause for divorce. Premeditated. The went out with the intention to commit and did so. Bye-bye 2nd degree is a crime of passion. Maybe you were in ahuge fight, maybe someone close to them just died and you weren't there for comfort...the go to the pub for comfort in a bottle, get picked up...so forth and so on. Still bad, still damn hard to forgive, but can be worked out manslaughter: applies only to diabetics and other medical conditions i think. I have sugar problems and when they arn't managed...i'm worse then drunk...I'd probably agree to jump of a bridge if you asked me to. Guilty because people with these disorders KNOW how to control them. Also, everyone has a different idea of cheating. Is frenching someone in a bar divorce worthy? Sure it's wrong but is it worth your marriage?

Note to wife: If you allow another man to stick it in, don't expect me to stick it out. Cheating is not about sex to me, it's about disrespect. I wouldn't take disrespect from a stranger, so why should I have to deal with it from "my best friend".

This topic always brings interesting feedback. I have read and felt a lot of pain here. I feel for all of you who have lived through this especially if you have Children. That always makes it much harder. As I have said before in related coversation on this site, If you think that every man or woman who has been unfaithful to their mate is a scumbag, you are totally unrealistic. I have never done so in 7 years of marriage to my 2nd wife, but the truth is, It is a job to stay comitted every single day. I believe most of us married folk will feel the need/urge to do so at some point for any of a million reasons. It is normal. Monogamy is not NATURAL to human beings belive me. We were designed like all the other animals on Gods green earth with a powerful insticnt to pro-create the species. Society deemed monogamy all the things it is said to be, not human beings. There are still many cultures where multiple mates is perfectly normal. And to go one step further, in those socie... Read more

...just sharing my opinion...or shall I say, my life story/lesson. Hubby Cheated, but of course I was so in love that I though time, God and renewed commitment would restore what had been broken. Long story short, 10 years down the road, same raw pain was still present. It never goes away. If you are of Christian faith, you learn to forgive. The forgetting is the stickler. Most of us, human by nature can not forget, therefore it never really goes away. When the trust of this nature is broken, I am not so sure it can ever be restored. You can stay together, but at a different level. That is my opinion and experience.....by the way, after 10 years, I moved on. What I should have done the first year. I will always end my opinion with "to each his own" and with that - peace and best of luck to you if you are connected to this topic.

about a month ago my husband of 24 rs left me for another woman. its devasting. im getting a divorce not as much for the infedility but for the lack of any thought to what this would do to me and our family. i know he'll be back cuz his life has been going down the drain. he will want me to pick up the pieces and im not going to . i wish that those that are going to cheat need to be honest and give the other a choice but more than that they need to really contemplate what they are doing and the pain they will cause alot of people. its just selfish to do it......UPDATE-i left this comment about 6 months ago and sure enough he is trying to talk to me that its at the point of stalking. he got rid of the girlfriend after she answered his phone when i had to call him on an issue with the kids. he never realized that he had made a fatal mistake and our marriage is over.

If this be the case and my spouse wanted to leave...I will comply,I only ask that I keep the children,to raise them with morals so not to injure someone else's daughter or son by way of breaching the marriage contract.

A lot of times people think that once they are married, their spouse will change their wild ways and other things about them like working 60 hours a week to devote more time to them. That likely doesn't change and this creates marital problems because of unmet needs and unspoken expectations. If you or the other person can't commit 100% don't get married. It's not fair to the other person to string them along. Adultery creates mistrust, causes broken hearts, broken homes and animosity. The cheater seldom changes and if they do, they'll always be thinking about it. So what's the point of sticking it out if you are going to always be concerned that your spouse is messing around on you. Cheaters have a problem like sex addicts do. They like the thrill of the conquest, the feeling of being 'free' and having a new person in the sack other than you. So it's not about you and your failings. Sometimes it is, but that's something only you know.

My father cheated, my mother forgave him. He didn't stop cheating, subsequently, my mother divorced him. If you can forgive, that's good, but not if the person has no intention of stopping. Some people want their cake and eat it too. And I saw the emotional toll that philosophy put on my Mum, and she didn't deserve it. You can't just put up with it if the person won't change.

UPDATE:people dont get married with the intend to commit adultery !,everyone who marries have all the good intentions of starting their new life with their partners with love and trust for the future, when they get married people think that life becomes perfect from then on. The problem is that they need to know that marriage is a growing together process and takes work to become one , and adjusting to each other one day at a time,everywhere you turn the world is corrupt with sinful temptation ,once a person finds that a marriage was not the marriage they expected, (as this society today commonly finds it is easy just to pack up and move on)then it does not take long for the evil temptation to attack the relationship. not all marrages survive, and not all partners are strong,(marrage doesnt come with an instruction manual) these people lose their way ,these people need proper guidance but yet fall to temptation at vunerable moments. these moments usually awaken a persons senses and mak... Read more

I know that there are people that go through this, and manage to work things out and make the marriage continue to work and all, but for me, that's something that I've never been able to understand. It seems to me like this is a special kind of hurt that only one person in the world can give you, and if they do.....what's left? I agree (kind of) with Josephope in that there's temptation everywhere, but by the time you say your vows, you're supposed to be done sowing wild oats. I just can't imagine putting my relationship at risk because of this, and certainly wouldn't expect her to keep me around if I did.

If you commit to another person, then respect them enough to be honest. If you can't control yourself, don't get married.

Definately a good reason for divorce.

When you and your wife/husband get married your surposed to live a trustful and happy life. If you commit adultery/infidelity and then you're breaking your trust and then you won't be happy.

A relationship is based upon trust, without that then what relationship is there? Cheating changes everything in a marriage.

Even before AIDS, I would NOT put up with infidelity.I am faithful,and I expect my partner to be.If you want an open relationship,fine-but both parties must agree,no dishonesty allowed.I prefer Monogamy.

If you stay with a cheater, you pay the price forever. I think if you are starting over anyway why do it with someone already proven untrustworthy.

It's not just a matter of working things out, even if it's in the best interest of the children. Cheating is something that changes everything, and it will be impossible to return to the way things were before. It breaks the bonds of trust, which will deteriorate the bonds of love. Once you've been cheated on, you will never look at the cheater the same way ever again. To some its not the actual act of cheating thats important, its the implications of it. Sometimes things change beyond repair, and that when it's time to get a divorce.

Yes! This is a solid reason to ditch the spouse.

Husband was in a relationship of infatuation with a subordanant coworker looking for promotion. So I thought it was sexless. This was over 5 years ago. Now found old picture of her naked, caught him masterbating to it. Forget the trust aspect, for me its forgiveness...I am not a saint and cannot martyr that kind of forgiveness...he does not know it,but I am filing

I'm not one to hold grudges, but this is a situation in which I don't think I could just forgive and forget. I think my hurt would be too big, and if my husband cheated on me once, I would be positive he wouldn't hesitate to do it again. If he didn't take the marriage vows seriously, I would have no choice but to sever the relationship completely.

Even the bible has this listed as a reason for divorce. Some couples overcome this but..............it is hard to survive the distrust and anger that infidelity breeds especially if the victim was the wife. She could still be seething from this for years to come. Bottom line solve your real problems dont bring more into the picture by cheating. Or just leave it is better to just leave than take someone through that.

Infidelity is one of the biggest relationship breakers out there. Only spousal abuse is worse than this. For me, I wouldn't even try to work it out if my wife cheats on me. I'm not a jealous guy or anything like that, but a relationship is built on trust. If I can't trust my wife, then what's there? I know that there might be kids involved, but I would definitely get a divorce. It would be better for everyone at the end of the day.

Who wants to be with someone who doesnt even love them enough to be loyal?

I personally took my vows very seriously, and as well as the 'forsake all others' line, I said 'til death do us part.' I don't remember a 'til you hurt me' clause. Certainly there are marriages that just won't make it, and people that just can't get over an affair, but I think its worth more than a few minutes consideration. Of course, its much easier to say 'never' on an opinion page than to be in the actual situation.

Why stay with someone who doesn't respect you?

This is probably the best reason in my book. Maybe second to abuse. I would not tolerate this, period! Apparently certain individuals (Political figures) don't see this as a reason. In fact they may have used it to BOOST their political career (so they think.) Some people are also swingers and don't care. Call me old-fashioned if you will but these people are scum of the earth.