Husband Won't Get a Job

I meet my partner when he was going through his divorce. He was out of work which normally would be unacceptable to me, however I made the excuses to myself that he was going through a 'troubled' patch and would sort himself out. 6 and half years later, he STILL doesn't work. His parents gave him a house, which he rents out, the money is used for his children's maintenance and for food for us. His car breaks down, his parents buy him a new car. I wish someone would buy me a car! Strange that I have to pay for mine - like most people. I pay for everything else, the house, the bills, etc. We don't go out as I refuse to have to pay for him. I have had a couple of holidays on my own because I don't want to pay for him. Several years ago, I actually searched for a job for him and found him one - which he did for 6 months. Several years ago I went on and on about further education and charity work to get stuff on his CV, then abruptly gave up when I decided that I was wasting my time as ... Read more

3 stars Dump the lazy,repulsive piece of human waste! Afraid to divorce? Contemplate the alternative......a non-life with no meaning or hope. THAT is truly a living hell. Time to let him go on his own. Water seeks it's own level and he will only take you down with him.

I supported our family of 3 while my husband attended law school. I placed my support of him ahead of my own desires to further my education. We now have 3 kids. In the 12 years he's been a licensed attorney he's earned a steady paycheck for 2 years. The rest of the years have been feast or famine. Basically, when he settles a good case (few and far between) we have money. I have worked full time for the 17 years we've been married except for a year and a half after having a child with health problems. That was following the year he settled a particulary good case. But by no means enough to make us wealthy. During that period of supporting me he told me he was losing his mind and I had to go back to work, which I gladly did. I almost got fired from my first gig after that for having a sickly child and I was always the one who took off for his illness/doctor visits. He had a nice offer from a firm which he kept for 2 years but left b/c of his ego. He wanted to be treated lik... Read more

my bf won't get a job i dont no why he keeps saying when i finish buying the car then after that it when i finish my hobby then it goes on and on what can i do he keeps say that im lazy and i should get a job he has not worked for 3 year and it doesnt look like he is what should i do please help

I have been married to the man that "he said he wanted to be" and it gets more and more difficult to stay in it for my kids. I am the main bread winner but was asked to sign a pre-nupt the day before our wedding. It took 7 years to get him to tear is up after we had to refinance and they needed my salary. My dad liked my husband, said he was a good man but thought he was just scared - my mom had passed away the year before I met him or she would never have allowed me to marry. I was 32 and he was 37 and had we had never been married before. He said that he wanted to see the business he owned and get a 9-5 job since he had a degree from MSU but after he finally did sell the buisness, he is just now employed driving a bus part time. He does no house work, no bill paying, no shopping, no cooking and is constantly reminding me of how little money we have and to watch "our" spending. My birth control has been fautly and I've asked him to get a vascetomy. He cancelled twice and we ha... Read more

I am so grateful I read all of your stories. I'm sorry you are all going through this but this reaffirmed that I left my boyfriend of two and a half years for the right reason. He probably worked a total of 7 months while we were together. I consider myself a strong person, but looking back, I made a lot of excuses for him..."it's not his fault, there's no work out there..." "He's a carpenter..his work is seasonal.." "He threw his back out.." etc. etc. What it comes down to is HE IS LAZY!!! I had to go on Craigslist and send out his resume because I was so desperate for him to work. One morning he slept through his alarm and I tried (for the 100th time) to get him out of bed. He told me he wasn't going to work because "his neck hurt" !! Are you kidding me?!! I was sick that whole week and I still got myself to work everyday. BECAUSE WE ARE ADULTS AND THINGS NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF. That morning I turned to him and said, "You are NEVER going to change, and I'm stupid for waiting ar... Read more

well this depends on the situation,it depends on if the wife has a job,or if you have kids,Im a liberal person so I think its okay for the husband not to work in the situation of the wife working and they are okay with the money she brings in,housewives stay home and take care of the kids all the time,why cant the husband do the same? However if he is a deadbeat and the wife depends on the paycheck for bills and food.then yes I would make him get any job I would leave if he refused,this is something you should know before you get married though!

I am going through almost the same as everyone of you. My husband doesn't have a job and we are expecting a baby and I am working full time supporting both of us. But I think in a partnership you have to help each other to succeed, a man needs his wifes support, there are certain things we women know that men just don't and we need to encourage our men to find jobs, help them succeed. With encouraging words and acts. Man are just like children. Anyways, after realizing that he can't find a job and barely looks for one, probably because he is discouraged, I bought him a photo and video camera so he can shoot pictures and videos for weddings and other events and make money on his own time and it's been working very nicely so far, he doesn't make as much as I am making but he makes as much to pay half the bills and do household work at the same time. It's not the best solution, but it's a good solution until he finds a real job.

I am a man that is going insane I try so hard to make a go of my business with no help, My wife complains she has nothing I have the potential to earn $150,000 a month but she wont help if only I could do every thing. Lets start at what I have done looked after 3 kids for over 18 years help ever time they were sick with a fever or asthma did the washing up did the lawns would were clothes I had for years did the vacuuming when she got so sick from our last child looked after her took my 2nd son to all he's surgery why trying to start a business Watched my mum pass away watched her mum pass away. She has had so many illnesses form a spider bite to many things to talk about But I was there with her complaing that I didn’t do this right or I didn’t do that right being called all the heart wrenching names under the sun with ever one asking why I stay my daughter running away form home @16 just when I thought thing were getting fine. My insides feel like I need to hold on tight so I... Read more

Hi. I just got home and found my fiance off to work and this page left on the computer. She does work pretty hard and I myself am no stranger to work My career began at the age of 12 and lasted 20 years, my work days are 7 days a week during fishing season, up to 24 hours work a day on a regular basis and unpaid offseason work. I also found time to work in other Outdoor jobs during the Offseason. This all changed when I survived a work accident and I continue to work with my team of doctors to ensure I return to work despite my severe disabilities. This isn't good enough, it's also not good enough that I have just enough secure income to pay the bills and buy food. Imagine how I feel knowing this is all I can currently do and have it not be good enough. I looked at some of the reviews and can't find how it became appropriate for my fiance to leave the page on for me to see. I actually take enough mental abuse and seem to be her anger release, as well as keeping enough of myself to loan... Read more

Well well well, Lightbulb momment! I thought it was just me. HA! I have been married for six years. My husband "worked" construction. I had been a dancer when I met him, but starting working a crappy factory job when we first got married and had our first girl. But I got so tired of him leaving various jobs for stupid reasons, and not being able to rely on him for anything, that I told him to become a stay at home dad and start taking care of the house/kids and I will go back to dancing because it is great money. He agreed. Remember I said he agreed. All is great in the begining, I have finally found a reason to tell family and friends why he is jobless. Why, he is not jobless! He is a stay at home dad, and that is hard work. Any woman out there who has done it knows it is. Now, it has been 4 years, he does NOT do anyhting in the house but dishes. I work, clean, cook, shop, volunteer at the girls school, train my horse, go to gym, my freaking days are FULLLLLL. I tell him I want out of... Read more

I got with my boyfriend back in November 2007 because I was dating a man who had a job and a vehicle but didn't want to be in a relationship or move in with me. So I vowed when I found a man who wanted these things I would leave him. In my prayers for the perfect man, I must not have included employment. I met my current boyfriend through my friends and they told me he didn't do drugs (another plus). The tricky part was he was working under the table for some guy at the time and I didn't know he was on SSI. LADIES, DON'T EVER GET WITH A MAN ON SSI IF HE LIED TO GET IT!!! HUGE mistake! Well, he was willing to move in with me and be in a relationship so I grabbed him. He got a job with my brother but only lasted a few months due to his "allergies." I do make him pay half of everything because I knew better than to play that game. So he does pay for half of everything and does all the house chores but is not looking for a job. Everytime I bring it up I'm a gold digger or he is not Tom, Di... Read more

I think I have a story more amazing, almost two years ago. My husband is egyptian and muslim and I am also muslim, I do not cover though. Anyway, he told me he was going on a conference in another state for work. I did not hear from him in 6 days, I decide to call his work, he had not answered his cell phone in 6 days. They tell me he is on vacation that he lied to me. This does not look good to his company. The credit card bill arrives. He is marrying a second wife in the Philipeans, yikes. He met her in dubai, spent a fortune, then flew to the philippeans and had a big wedding party, the works. 10,000 can you say very angry. Well he does not return to work from his so called vacation. I am furious now and I tell them my husband was marrying a second wife in the Philipeans. In all this time I get one 5 second call, and the line goes dead from the philipeans. Hi How are you, how are the kids. We have two boys 4 and 5. I tell his company he has married a second wife, I have no idea why ... Read more

My husband is playing solitair on the computer, right now, as he has been doing for the past two months. He worked for two months, paid a little on our house as it was in foreclosure. He won't do the paperwork the bank has asked for, to "re-evaluate" the loan; he keeps saying "there are no jobs out there". Granted, he is a Contractor/construction, but there ARE jobs out there, just not the kind he wants at the moment. I work every day, and some Saturdays. We have a 14 yr old daughter. I want to use my Fed tax refund this coming Feburary for a divorce, but not sure where my daughter and I will live. Can't do it all on my own. Daughter is a good b+ student, and I certainly don't want that to change, but I need to make changes, he is driving me crazy and bringing us down with him! He has not filed taxes for the last eight years, so I file 'married/seperate' and am so afraid the feds will show up at our door and take away family antiques from MY side of the family because of him. ... Read more

I have been married for five years and he has not held a job for even six consecutive months.he's the most wonderful man you would ever meet but I can't take being afraid to answer the phone or the door anymore and I'm miserable........HELP!!!!

I believe everyone who is not married to these men without jobs should definitely leave them. I am married to a man who told me when I was laid off from a great job this past February that he would "do whatever it takes" to make our family work, then he did NOTHING. I am having respect issues now. I love him, but I am finding it extremely hard to respect him. I have always made exponentially more money than him (he is a struggling artist), but now that I'm also struggling to get my first business launched, I feel that he should be pitching in by getting at least a part-time "straight" job so that we don't lose our house, car, etc. I'm so frustrated.

I felt like I was the only one out there with this problem. My long-time boyfriend hasn't worked in a year and a half and I don't think I can take it any more. Just picking up and leaving is easier said than done, though. We have so many shared financial obligations that make it impossible for me to afford to live on my own at this moment in time. I hate that I've gotten into this situation and can't believe that this has happened to me. When I graduate in May, hopefully I'll have the courage and means to finally breake free.

Dear Hollywood, I think we both should just go out on our own, and let these guys try to fend for themselves. I have to work for insurance benefits, too, for me and him! It costs a lot for him to be on my policy. It would be nice if he earned enough to pay for the insurance amount deducted from my pay! We can survive without them, I have no doubt.

i am in the same boat and it is sinking. my "spouse" of 7 years wont get a job. i dont nag but each time one of those big bad things happen and we dont have the money, i remind him. the car dies, we have to buy one OLDER and less reliable. the cat gets sick, we have to choose whether it can live. i have HIV and when i got real sick he promised to take care of me, he would get a job. 3 years later and it is still all me. i worked every day in part because i cant stand to be home when he is there and in part to make myself the best employee i can be. i need to work for insurance, my meds are now close to 9000 a month, yes nine THOUSAND. he works one day a week at a video store and thinks that helps us. he thinks doing dishes and laundry make up for not working. i tell him, no, it doesnt help with the big picture. i no longer dread big bad things happening, i embrace them. i am looking forward to the crisis that will destoy everything because i dont know what to do.

i too can relate to this situation. ive been with my boyfriend for over a yr and a half and he hasnt worked for a full year. he quit his old job because of his ex and he never found another one since. my boyfriend is an ex convict and was in prison for 6 yrs. he is convinced that its the reason why he hasnt gotten hired for any jobs he applied for. he does not want to go back to working the same position he used to work (catering) because accdg to him, he doesnt want to meet the same people in the industry. i am making a decent salary but there are a lot of times when i just make enough to make ends meet and its taking a huge toll on me. he is not the type to just sit in the house all day and watch tv,but instead he always hangs around his friends and he either takes my car or his car if we have enough money to gas up both vehicles. i love this man but how far does love really take you? he said he doesnt want to apply for any jobs because he already knows they wont hire him and if i ch... Read more

Hello ladies, let me introduce myself. I am about 39 yrs old, and I am married, have a 4-year-old son, and am gainfully employed. I have had several jobs over the years, and have been let go for everything from economic reasons, to performance issues. I'm ADHD, and it typically means I have social and focus problems. It takes me a few months to find a job. And if I'm between jobs I've got a definite routine that keeps me busy in the morning and afternoon, taking lunchtime and the evening off, six days a week (Starting Sunday, when the largest amount of want ads hits the papers). I don't know if no job is a reason for divorce, but I know it doesn't make anything easier. If the guy doesn't seem to care that things are getting shut off, that is a cause for concern, especially if there are kids involved. You get power shut off, you could have your children taken away. Nowadays, economic burdens need to be shared. The unregulated "free" market the conservatives have set up n... Read more

My husband got a job, and kept every penny of his income for himself. He moved on to another job, and has been suspended or fired three times in 6 months for lying about stupid things. He cries and cries about having no money, has taken out Car title loans on the car I bought him, spends what money he has on marijuana.. and has the nerve to tell me he is sick of ME! Ladies, I cut the cable TV off the other day, and today is the day the internet goes the way of the Emu. He sits on webcam and facebook all day smoking weed and eating food in my home. I don't need a teenaged girl, I needed a MAN. Each day I hate him more, and each day I understand that He will never leave on his own, because I take too good of care of myself and kids. There is always food and soap, and he can defineately "outwait" me on fighting. So here I am, sendign my baby into daycare so that his dipshit father can loll around all day and then run out right before I get home so I have all the babycare as well as be... Read more

I met my partner 14 years ago. He has had a few jobs in the last 14 years, but none for longer than 3 months. He hasn't worked for the past 10 years and does not even look for a job. He went to college about 6 years ago and got a qualification, but still never looks for work (apart from the odd day's work for cash in hand). We don't yet live together as he needs to get a job first as I cannot afford him and he signs on the dole and gets housing benefit to pay for his flat. I'm really at the end of my tether. I get up to go to work every morning (6 or 7 days most weeks) and take him a coffee in bed just before I leave (although he has a flat he insists on sleeping at my place). I look at him lying there every morning and am disgusted with him. I can't even have sex with him any more as I have no respect left for him. I can't believe I've wasted so many years with him. My youngest is about to leave home and this was the time we had planned for him to move in with me - however I... Read more

OK. I can really beat this ladies! My husband has not worked since 2001. I let it go for a while since I was busy at work and I wanted our son to have a parent more available then I thought I could be...as before that I was part time and was super involved in his life. Well letting him do that for a year or so was a huge mistake. Flash forward to 2008 and he has only given lip service to getting a job. I implore him repeatedly to apply himself to really finding employment. He says 'yeah, yeah, I am going back to work, i am trying to get a job'... but no job interviews and not one call from an employer. I am fairly certain he isn't looking at all. I am at the end of my rope. Our son is 14 and doesn't need us at home all day since he is in school. I am in danger of losing my job with a recent merger and I am frightened to death about the implications. I think I should cut him loose, but I want to keep our family together. I am at the end of my rope!

My husband of nearly 13 years used to be the hardest working most DEPENDABLE man I know. For the past 8 months, he's become the most selfish, laziest, sorriest man I know. He goes to a community college part time but he needs a job in his off time. My income doesn't take care of all the bills and our children! I've had to borrow money here and there but it's still not enough. He doesn't care. We're constantly arguing because all he does is play online chess, eat, sleep, and *hit! He doesn't TRY to find a job. Once I'm financially straight, I'm leavin' him right here to fight bills the way I've been doing. Now I understand the "I can do bad by myself" song!

I agree ANY MAN! ANY! man that does not have a job and support his family is a worthless peacie of shit! and should go back to his mama! he doesnt deserve a family! PERIOD!

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, we have 2 beautiful children together... I love him very much but I am getting to a point where I can not go on with things as they are. My husband is currently unemployed and has been for a month, he hasn't put in any applications and any time someone mentions a job that he could apply for, he has an excuse. Prior to being laid off, he worked for three months, before that he was laid off by another place and he worked there 4 months. He was unemployed for 3 months before putting in apps. In the last 5 years that we've been a couple he has been laid off of every job he's had... and that's only been 4 jobs, never working for longer than 9 months or so. Our children and 3 and 1, so obvisiously we need money coming in. I don't mind getting a job but I refuse to go to college, take care of the kids, work, AND do chores if I am married. There is no reason for it. I can not leave the 2 kids with him because he simply will not watch... Read more

My husband of 5 1/2 years has had 11 jobs since we married. Six months out of those 5 1/2 years were spent unemployed until this last job, which he lost (again) 2 weeks ago. We are starting on the same path here...he hasn't even looked for a job in 2 weeks. He stays home drinking and sleeping all day. We have one son together, he's 3 1/2, and he has custody of his 16 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I am torn. I want to help my step-daughter from becoming an alcoholics' daughter, but I can't take on every "needy" person I come across. What to do?

my husband is not working for almost a year now. we are living with his sister and our car was already been reposes. I dont see him worried what should i do? please help me!!!! and everytime i tell him to find a job he gets mad at me we have 4 kids.

Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years... He didnt have a job when we first started dating and guess what... He STILL doesn't have a job. Please take my advise and get out before you become attached to these man-children! Or atlease have enough sense to not let them move in with you! I didn't let my boyfriend move in.. I left his raising to his mother, because she will be the only woman who will put up with his kid-like ways. As far as i can tell if he doesnt have enough respect for himself to step up and be a man then he will never respect me... so my advice LEAVE THESE SORRY ASS MEN TO THE SORRY ASS MOTHERS WHO RAISED THEM TO BE THAT WAY!

My husband of 18 years sold his business 3 years ago. Year one he wasn't ready to go back to work, year 2 he started to study to pursue a new area, and year 3 he hasn't done anything to launch himself. I am concerned that he is not going to take the steps neccesary to start working again, and he doesn't "have" to because I make a good salary. That being said, I am tired of being the one with all the financial responsibility, and feel it should be shared. My question - will he ever go back?

OKAY LADIES LET ME GIVE YOU AN UPDATE: I AM ELLE101 Let me tell you why it is important to move the hell on. In January I was complaining about my loser boyfried. I had no idea I would lose my mother in April 19, 2007. The wrong relationship will distract you from your real concerns. After and during her death he made my life hell still trying to be my main concern. We as women need to make choices that will not harm us later. I have learned my lesson well. It takes courage to leave. Please get a backbone for you and your children. Its okay to leave someone that does not love you. You stay because you do not fully love yourself. When mom died, i left him the say day. I am doing very well now traveling and I do not play games with men anymore. I am wiser not bitter. I take my time because I deserve to put research and time in my relationships I am valuable.

hey yeah, my husband s definitely a LIBRA! we been together for 9yrs but only married 1. 3 children and another on the way and still he wont get a job. he promises to but never does. He also thinks i want too much when i say i want to be like a normal couple and eventually buy a house and give the kids their own rooms with nice decoration but am i asking too much or is he just very lazy and forever wants everything for himself to make himself happy and not me or the kids because he has never done a nice thing for me.

These men must be Libras...God only knows mine is and he is the laziest SOB out there...gimme a real man...a scorpio with a damn job.

My fiance doesn't seem to be putting much effort into finding work. I have been paying all of the bills for about year and a half now. Sure - kick him to the curb. If only it were that easy. We don't choose who we fall in love with do we? I have thought about just kicking him out, but I have made many mistakes and I feel like I'm in too deep to get out. Even after I kick him out, I'm obligated to pay many of his bills since they are in my name (huge mistake, I know - but that was when I BELIEVED him when he said he would find work soon). I had hoped that true love meant having faith in your partner, but now I'm beginning to think I am a fool. We get along on every other level, and he is a great guy. It's just that I have allowed him to suck every penny from my savings and my income, and now I'm screwed. Do I deserve this? Does anyone? When I was single and I heard these stories, yes, I figured they had what they had coming, but wow, it is different when it is you.

I am in the same situation with my husband of three months. I have paid for all of our expenses and he has not worked since I have met him (one year and three months). He had made many promises of his so called talents and abilities, he stated that he had just not found the "right one" yet, but he insisted that it was me and I would be provided a good life. I am on the verge of getting out before I am completed taken to the poor house. Please woman go with your gut instinct (I didn't) and do not get into a situation that you are taken advantage of in the name of "love", love does not pay the bills...

If someone won't work, it's a pretty good reason if you ask me. . .work (of course) comes in different fashions- both parties should be contributing to the emotional, physical, and (yes) financial stability of the relationship. . .

As a guy whose parents are divorced, I have a unique perspective on this issue. I'm not one to be a slacker and tolerate people who are. That having been said, this issue is nothing compared to physical, verbal, or emotional abuse. Yes, financial issues are a big deal in a relationship, but I place abuse higher on my list of things to avoid (and things I won't do).

My boyfriend is arrogant and thinks he knows it all. He has not had a job in over a year. I need him to go back to his mama so she can finish raising him.

My, oh my. What a subject. One that I'm quite familiar with. My hubby of 15 years quit promising me he would find a job about 3 years ago and simply refused to get a job. About 4 years ago he started sleeping on the couch. His choice NOT mine! He usually stays up all night and sleeps a little in the day time. It's quite a sight when my customers and clients come to the house! Weekends he's usually up for two or three days straight. One year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I tried to have a heart-to-heart with him about his picking up his end of the financial string because I had to go through some of the most horrendous treatments one can go through with any possibility of survival. My cancer is advanced because there was no money for the annual tests that would have found the cancer earlier. (Side note: When he "works" for friends doing little odd jobs, he keeps all the money!) Needless to say, nothing happened. I worked when I could all through treatments and shortly after the su... Read more

I am in this position now. My husband quit his job three months ago and while im writing this letter he is in the bed sleeping(as usual) What kind of women am I to let my son think that it is okay to laze about and rely on other people to get by. He's a mooch and i for one am sick of it. It's time to rise up against all the mooches of the world especially the ones that are living in your home that are over the age of 18.

You must be one of those "losers" we are all married to here???

This is EXACTLY the situation I am in now! I did not think that anyone else out there was in my shoes! What do we do?

Y'all triflin behind women...none of you know what you want... you'd rather live with materialistic things than have a good man. do we get any respect...screw y'all...if we could give ourselves head we wouldn't need ya asses.

Jees...so many "enablers" im seeing here. Babybigbones,Amihan,exausted lady, welcome to RIA..i can see you are new - none of you deserve the way your being treated, but Im sorry, I cannot feel sorry for you. "Woman up" here and do what is right for yourself. Quit whining and get rid of this bum who is bringing you down. Every one of your stories tells me you are being led straight down the road you are on by your hearts. If you believe this is a good as it gets, you probably have a lot more problems that you have covered here.

Not a bad reason. Any man that can't bring in enough to keep afloat is worthless in my opinion.

How long does a wife and mother of his children have to wait before she's had enough of her husband sitting around watching tv all day? I work part-time now, and know I could get a full-time job if I even gave it just a week of looking. But I think if he is the man I married he should be out looking for a job as if that were his job, until he got one. That is his responsiblity as the man of the house. Unless, he's committed to being a full-time stay at home dad and taking care of the kids, laundry, dishes, etc. Right now he just throws his trash on the floor. I come home from work and have to clean up all his trash. It's only been three months, but It's been three long months. Time just keeps flying by and he just seems to want to sleep, eat and watch tv. I'm afraid to threaten him or get on to him because he turns into a wounded puppy. He acts like he's just given up. I am tired of him bringing me down.

a man should take care of his family even if it means mowing lawns. if he does nothing he takes food out of his childrens mouths or they go without what they need.

I'm in this situation myself. My husband lost his job in December last year. It's October now. I've asked him, begged him and ranted at him to please get a job because my own job pays peanuts and we are so close to bankrupt it's not funny. I am giving myself ulcers worrying where I'm going to get money, while he goes off mountain-climbing with his buddies once a month. He apparently asks money from his retired mom because he certainly isn't getting any from me. Whenever I confront him about it, all I get are promises, whining ("the world is against me, poor me, wonder what's wrong with me") and accusations of materialism. He even asked me to lie to my parents about his job. And, spineless wimp that I am, I did. it's a lot of dog-doings. emotional, mental and spiritual burn-out is all you'll get. I guess I need help after all.

I think that it is important for a man to support his family in whatever way possible. A lack of willingness to work shows that he doesn't really care for his families well being. And I'm talking about those who don't want to find a job, not those who are in between jobs or whatever. The desire to support your family alone ought to be enough motivation either way. The question of divorce can only be answered on an individual basis, but that definitely is a negative.