Toronto, Canada
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It's not that Toronto is a bad place, or a dangerous place. It's neither. But unfortunately it is a very drab, dull and featureless place in a typical midwest north american fashion.
I’ve lived in many other North American cities, as well as in Europe. Here is the unvarnished truth about why Toronto SUCKS:
For starters, this is an ugly looking city architecturally speaking. Look at the downtown core: gray concrete and class corporate hi-rises. Corporate everything, with a sterile little Starbucks at virtually every corner. What is there to do here? What do people do in Toronto? Work…and shop at Eaton Center for excitement on the weekend. Just awful. You can walk for blocks and blocks in any direction in downtown Toronto and it’s the same: massive, impersonal anonymous concrete and glass hi-rises. Nothing beckons you or even raises your curiosity. You simply keep walking to where you’re headed.
Midwest “flatness” both literally and figuratively: like the totally flat, boring landscape here there is a ‘flatness’ to the mindset of Torontonians: boring midwest propriety dominates. Proper people raising proper families, trying to get ahead, working for ‘the man’. Some call this ‘midwest work ethic’; I call it just plain BORING. Like so many other dreary midwest cities, the dominant paradigm of “work, breed, consume, die” prevails. Totally corporate, totally conservative=totally Toronto. In a word, it’s a banker’s paradise. But if you’re not working 9-5 for a major corporate franchise, there’s something wrong with you. “What? Not working 9-5? What’s wrong with you???” Where are the artists? The free thinkers? The dreamers? They’ve all moved away to places that INSPIRE them…
Repressive, prohibition era alcohol regulation: what’s there to like about the mean-spirited and pricey LCBO and “the beer store” monopoly? Nothing. Ripping off Torontonians with the hands-down highest prices while challenging banks with their “we’re closed every chance we can get” policy is extremely irritating to any person whose lived anywhere else on the planet surface. A 6 pack of Labatt’s in Detroit Michigan (or anywhere USA) costs $5.00! Same 6 pack of Labatt’s here costs $13.00 after taxes. And like banks which close for any flimsy, obscure national holiday they can dream up—the LCBO and “beer store” are closed too. Not to mention inconvenient: every other modern industrialized civilization sells beer, wine and liquor at the corner store. Have they all gone mad? Have they all become alcohol soaked sots? No, they haven’t. So there’s no excuse for keeping the status quo monopoly in Ontario. Unless you like getting gouged, schlepping out of your way, and having to ‘plan ahead’ to buy your booze when the monopoly feels like being open. This fact alone has driven many talented artists, visionaries, and freemasons from gray concrete and steel Torontoland.
I’ve saved the best for last: Toronto’s much vaunted holy grail: DIVERSITY. “We’re the most diverse city in the world! Yay!” Am I the only person who mumbles “meh”, when hearing this hollow Toronto claim to fame? Newsflash Toronto: every large city in the world is packed with immigrants nowadays, not just you. New York, London, Vancouver, San Francisco, etc, etc. All these cities—just like Toronto—are packed with immigrants from every corner of the Earth. But unlike Toronto they have REAL qualities to set them apart: NYC has Broadway and incredible high energy nightlife; London UK is the hub of Europe, bustling with energy, with history, castles, and incredible music scene; Vancouver has it’s glorious mountains and ocean vistas; San Francisco has it’s free thinkers, it’s hippies, it’s incredible sun and ocean year round. Further all of these cities have diversity. Heck, any large city almost anywhere nowadays has diversity. But for Toronto to make it’s claim to fame to be “diversity” is really, really lame. I’m sorry, but it’s true. In fact to claim “diversity” as the best you can come up with for a city this size is really embarassing…and implies a major lacking of anything else going on here. Heck—Detroit may be a industrial wasteland nowadays but at least it is “the motor city”—which is a hell of a lot better than being the “city of diversity”. Wow, is that LAME. I feel sorry for you, Toronto.
Another reason Toronto sucks: the weather. From November into April, bitter cold, gray skies, snowing or pissing rain. Just awful. And for the rest of the year it’s usually fucking gusting windy! The wind here never let’s up…it’s always howling and gusting away, which sucks. This is an easy crititicism to make of Toronto, so enough said on this one.
I’ll end my rant on a lighter side note: I have a new idea for the City of Toronto logo: a fat immigrant lady pushing a wheeled grocery cart. When I move from Toronto next month, this will be the image ingrained in my memory. Fat, older or middle aged ladies pushing wheeled shopping carts around! They’re everywhere here, and they’re on a mission. Get out of their way—or else! I cannot think of a better logo for this fair city :-D