Step Kids

Check out www.myxpectation.com. I'm finding there are a lot of good, bad and not so bad experiences that hit home for me. Just trying to find out if i'm the only one having certain problems/concerns.

i think it is so ridiculous for people to say "deal with it" and all the other "you should have known" crap. you have no idea what every situation is like, and it is definitely different being immersed in a situation than thinking you can just "wing it". some biological parents put a whole bunch of garbage that does not make it easier, and when the parent is too passive it just puts strain on the marriage. i hope you people that are so quick to judge get a taste for a situation that is harder than what it may seem - then you'll know that you were the epitome of "ignorance with a voice"!

my step kids are awful to me for the past eleven yrs. it is due to their mom's brainwashing for many yrs. my step kids are a girl whom is 20 and a boy whom is 22. i have busted my butt for many yrs being kind and comforting to them, etc...they treat me awful. due to the mother that is. they only come around for money. his daughter just got pregnant by a heroine addict and had a son with him and hid it from us the entire time. her mom had a secret baptism so my husband's entire side of his family could not know nor even come...our side of the family is super classy hers is like omg you have no idea. they have no self respect so how can we expect them to respect others i gather.

Unless you really weren't paying attention, or someone was engaged in major deception, you had to know this was a factor. Deal with it. You married your spouse, not his or her kids.

Having a step child has convinced me to never have children of my own. can't stand kids now when i used to like them. they're a headache and when your'e spouse is a bad parent it just makes matters worse. I'll be chugging birthcontrol until I hit menopause I swear. If you're gonna get with someone with children, go for someone who has none.

Just wait for them to turn 18 like everyone else.

If stepkids are a hangup for you, then why did you get married? Deal with it...

I have been a stepmom for nine years now and my three stepkids (realistically only one belonged to my husband and the other two were from the ex-wife's previous two relationships) put me through hell. I must admit I was at a loss of how to deal with them and I wouldn't recommend step-parenting to anyone, but for those without hope, time does heal a lot. Today my step-son is married and phoned me to say how much he appreciated all I did for him. His sister wrote me an email saying I had been the best and most stabilizing influence in her life. My husband's daughter is 17 and totally out of control, but I have hope that she will come to her senses as her siblings have. Step families are not easy and having an ex-wife meddling in everything while you are trying your best to make a home for her children does not help, but step-moms, stay true to yourself and your values, be kind and honest and don't blame their awful behavior on yourself. Those who are good at heart will come to their sens... Read more

Step Kids suck! I helped raise three and now they are in high school and soon to graduate. I treated them like they were mine. After their Dad and I had 2 kids they turned hateful and treat their brothers like dirt. Really upsetting. Especially since I adored them when they were little. The 19 year old pushed her 4 year old brother out of the way by kicking him with her foot tonight while celebrating one of my stepdaughters birthdays. Don't think you will get a pay off being a great step parent. It's a joke.

It depends on the kids. If his kids are rebellious to the point of committing crimes, and nothing is being done about it and it's causing problems with the marriage. Than family counceling is either suggested or things are not goping to be fixed and everyone needs to move on.

A friend of mine is getting divorced for this reason (as well as the fact that his wife is addicted to spending money they can't afford, at least according to him). In fairness, though, my friend is a bit of a kook, so I'm sure the reasons for the imminent divorce are a bit more complicated than he makes them out to be. I've also recently learned that my sister is marrying a guy with 2 kids. I've never met him, but it's obviously a 2nd marriage for him, as well as my sister. Here's hoping for the best. Marriage can be a trial under the most optimal conditions.

I haven't been in a relationship since my divorce for the reasons listed below (amoung others). I just wait for the times that my ex-wife has the kids and then I masturbate to porn or hire a call girl (I always use a condom). I am completely discreet and my kids are none the wiser. Honestly, can you read the comments here and tell me that I'm better off with a step-parent/child relationship in the house? I don't think so. These posts have convinced me that I am doing the right thing. Thanks.

I try and try and nothing seems to work. My step kids are 10 and 8. They hate me. I have 3 children 1,2 6 years old. When my husband children come down he turns into supper dad. He will make his children snacks etc... and our children would have to ask before they get anything. He allows his children to disrespect because he says I deserve it. He says the I am a dragon lady towards them and this is not true!!!! I am the only one that sometimes speaks out, only when I'm at my ends. My husbands allows them to do whatever they want. Never tells them anything they do is wrong I am feeling as if I have to give up!! Move out to my mother house when the children come around. HELP

Unfortunately we don't always know what the step kids are really like until we live with them. I have a 17 year old step kid who is spoiled beyond belief and I am tired of him causing fights between me and his mom. He refuses to ride a bus to or from school or to anywhere and insist he get a car ride. He never does any chores and she will not dicipline him or allow me to. If he does not do something he is suppose to do he has no consequences at all and is given anything hwe ask for, When he don;t feel like going to school he don't have to and can do whatever he wants that day. And when me and her get into an arguement he jumps right in and cusses me out and I am not to say a word to him about it. It is getting beyond disliking this kid, I am starting to HATE him. He manipulates his mother and talks to her like a dog also. This is probably gonna end our relationship.

just say i hope I never have to find out what it is like to be a step parent. sorry but I have heard way too many horror stories. and according to statistics one of the biggest reasons second marriages break up is because of step kids.

I don't think anyone has any idea what its like being in a step-parenting or step-child family if you haven't experienced this first-hand. My Mum met my Step-Father when I was around eight or nine-years-old and I had no idea this man was going to be in my life for the next twenty-years. I resented the fact this man who had never given birth to me was telling me what to do as a teenager and he seemed to me at the time like a great big bully. He made life hell for me when I was growing up and yet still he had three daughters from a previous marriage and would have hated someone treating them the same way he used to treat me. He was on a serious power trip and I was having none of it and this is where the arguments started. Now we get on ok, but for me I'm always weary of men who have children for the simple fact I don't want them to go through what I went through and vice-versa - trust me it can be hell sometimes - and the last thing I want is to ruin someones life and my own with a... Read more

i have known my husband for over 10 years so i knew about his son and ex. at first his son was a great kid and i took him every where i went, he actually preferred me to his mother. then my husband was around alot more and the trouble started. lies, stealing, bedwetting, temper tantram, foul language, and all the "mom" would do is say njudeserves it. after my husband and i had our son hes acted out even more. finally he has injured my infant giving him a head inuray. after 4 hours in the er and a cat scan later id have to agree that ALL STEP KIDS are trouble and you should definitly get to know the ex. if you see signs of bad parenting that means bad children

You should love your stepchildren as your own and get the word STEP out of your vocabulary. It's not right for them to be loved or treated any less than your own. They are all wonderful human beings and we should think of it as a privilege to be part of their lives and nothing less. Don't get married if you are not prepared to do so.

I also agree with you I married a man with 5kids at the time they were 9 to 15yrs and I have 2 of my own they were 9 and 11. They lived with there mom until we bought a house and then out of no where she left them with us stating she couldnt handle them no more. So now here I am mom of 7 (ahh). All was good as long as they got what they wanted. But they never wanted to follow the rules, if my kids had to listen so do yours, this led to many fights. With 2 of the girls they didnt like the fact that they had to follow the rules so they called mommy and she said come stay with me(but I dont care what you do), now the youngest has a std and no place to live so back to our house. Which will mean total choas, I told him no and he said he'd leave, I said Bye! I dont want her around my son who is the same age. Is this so wrong of me?

i am considering breaking up with my boyfriend because of his son. i thought i could deal with it but now im pregnant and i dont want my child to be influenced by his childs bad behavior. my bf always wants me to act like a mom, read to his son etc but then his kid makes mean comments like, "my mommy has a better house" or "my mommy doesnt make hamburger helper like that" and hes only 4.5 years! he talks to himself and answers with "what" when you look at him or ask him a questions. he makes weird faces and is just a wierd mom. we are supposed to get married in december but i can't do it. not if his kid is with us every other day.

I would say to all you people who say, You knew there were kids before you married them. Let me tell you, YES I did know that but, kids grow and change. My step son is 6years old and is a NIGHTMARE.(I have been around since he was 2yrs old) I have a 2yr old with my husband and he is not allowed around her.(By court order) He is very mean and tries to do inappropriate things to her. Other then my step childs problem, we have a great marriage. But, I have told my husband, if he brings him around my daughter ever again I will divorce him. I am not saying every step kid is bad, I am saying that there will be problems with every step child. If you dont think so, you are WRONG.

If you cannot deal with the children, step or not, then YOU have a problem, PERIOD! Learn how to be a parent. It's the toughest job on the planet, one that people don't take serious enough. Bottom line, they need us, they become better, productive people if we do our job.

At the time of marrying your spouse, step kids essentially become kids of your own. Divorcing due to not wanting to deal with your new children can hurt everyone involved. That's why marriage should certainly wait until it is clear that a potential spouse is fully willing and capable of accepting their partner's kids as their own, a role that must come with open arms instead of cold feet.

I agree to some comments, however if i could do it over agian i would never marry someone with kids. I cant stand my husbands son. hes 18 a drug user a theif and believes my husband only likes me when hes mad at him. The son cant stand me as well only becuase i see right through him, however my husband falls for his sons manipulations and thinks ever thing is ok, because his son says so. i fear this kid will be in prison soon but their is nothing a step parent can do. it sucks and anyone thinking of marring a man with kids and ex,s think hard and long it really is nothing put a heart ache and a finance struggle.

Yeah, stupid step-kids. They ain't nobody to me. They should just stay in federal foster care or at some tax shelter.

I is a good idea if the spouse if the spouse with the children wants you to do all the work but won't let you have an imput in the major decision making conserningthe children because you are not a biological parent, but you are expected to act like one by taking care of them on the daily bases.

Step Kids are nothing but trouble. My three stepkids are social rejects. I was told about them before but nothing prepared me for the Hell they ran me through. Oldest had a very abuseive boyfriend. She also used her body to get things. The second one got pregnent at 15 broke up with her bf then had guys over breeding her like crazy one time come out and a teen guy is covering her. Had the baby then left it after she was 2 months old. Then she got on Pot meth and drinking. We left her in Mississippi moved back to Iowa. Later on found out she was leaving on gas station roofs and selling dope and her body. The youngest talks to himself and fails school because he will not do homework. He don't brush his teeth and only takes a shower once a week he has failed his driving test twice and just failed 10th grade. Stepkids are nothing but trouble

Stepchildren would be a bad reason to get a divorce. You should have known about them going in! One problem I have seen in some marriages with stepchildren, is not the stepchildren themselves, but how the real parent may marginalize the step parent and forbid any discipline to be enacted by the step parent. The step parent might not be allowed a full place a the table in those children's lives. But the problem, of course. is really with the marriage partner, not the stepchildren.